Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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