i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
