Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
