Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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