made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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