I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
