I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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