I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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