He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
