Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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