All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i would punch a child for taco bell
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
