Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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