I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
