so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
