it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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