Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
