I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
