i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
