You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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