while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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