she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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