hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize