Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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