i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
