i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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