I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
