Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize