Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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