I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
