2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
