Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
