I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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