you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
