Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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