the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
