Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You pole danced in your parka.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
