my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
