She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
