haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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