His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
