Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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