Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
