ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
