..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so let's talk penis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
