great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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