Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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