allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
