.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
