She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
