textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
