people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
