no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
