D3 body, D1 cock
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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