I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
