i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So many bounce houses so little time
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
