he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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