And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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