Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
