I feel like abortions should bother me more
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
