I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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