So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
