just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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