I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
