u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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