i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
