my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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