By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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