why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize