I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
