On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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