dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
