I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
