Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
